Claude walked past a bespoke tailor. He thought he has nice new clothes, why not Sumo. Claude walked in and ordered a small tuxedo for his friend. Since he paid extra and it was small, they made it for him while Claude ate lunch.
Sumo looked adorable in his little tux. Claude put him on his shoulder and sang to the tune of Putting on the Ritz.
"I was blue and I didnt know
where to go, until I saw Sumo
on my shoulder he sits
Putting on the Ritz
Different guys in different clothes
do we look good? I am sure sumo knows
with perfect fits
Putting on the Ritz
We are dressed up and never bored,
Sumo looks like a young Harrison Ford
come lets mix where hedge fund owners
run around and never drive loaners
their wives only eat bits
Putting on the Ritz"
Maggie got up. She was now in a cold fury. She thought back and remembered, rememebered to when she was a little girl. Maggie was not from the US. No, she was from out neighbor to the north: Canada.
about Sumo
Sumo is Elaine's #1 Marathon Running Fan. Sadly, Elaine lost Sumo somewhere during her work commute from Midtown West to Midtown East. Building security checked for Sumo everywhere, but he was no where to be found. Luckily, Sumo was found by a young British boy vacationing in NY. He took it back to his parents home in Notting Hill, but he himself dropped it while skipping down to the Picadilly line. The Sumo was then found again and put on Ebay...
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
episode 13 - "The Summer of Love"
Claude had totally changed. He felt like it was the Summer of Love all over again, so sometime in the late 60's, we wasent sure when. He had cleaned up his tunnel to make it nice for Sumo. Added drapes and curtains. And took lots of photos. He and Sumo now walked down 5th avenue. It was time to get a new suite. When he saw Shanghai Tang on 57th Street he knew that was where he had to go. He realized that Sumo was not from Shanghai, but it sounded like a good idea.
Maggie pushed the table to the floor with one hand, while scanning with her pistol with the other. Her breathing was hard and laboured. She could not belive it. She was almost blinking back tears. Hatred spilled out of her in waves strong enough to shatter glass. The hatered was not for sumo.
Claude had found a nice set up clothes. And as he reached to pay for it, he smiled down at sumo. He was glad that he had bought real estate in the village in the late 1960s. In fact, he owned 1/2 of Fulton and a 1/3 of Bleecker. He told the cashier "Ill wear it out". He changed clothes. And hummed "Putting on the RItz" as we walked down 57th.
Maggie fell to her knees. He wasnt here. He was out. But he would be back and Maggie would be ready and after 30 years she would have her revenge.
Maggie pushed the table to the floor with one hand, while scanning with her pistol with the other. Her breathing was hard and laboured. She could not belive it. She was almost blinking back tears. Hatred spilled out of her in waves strong enough to shatter glass. The hatered was not for sumo.
Claude had found a nice set up clothes. And as he reached to pay for it, he smiled down at sumo. He was glad that he had bought real estate in the village in the late 1960s. In fact, he owned 1/2 of Fulton and a 1/3 of Bleecker. He told the cashier "Ill wear it out". He changed clothes. And hummed "Putting on the RItz" as we walked down 57th.
Maggie fell to her knees. He wasnt here. He was out. But he would be back and Maggie would be ready and after 30 years she would have her revenge.
episode 12 - "Jealous Girlfriend"
She plunged into the water below and lost her footing. She picked herself up and looked around. Her jaw dropped. She closed her eyes and opened them again, thinking perhaps that would clear away the strange view. However, as she blinked in the suprisingly bright tunnel, what she saw had not changed.
The walls were covered with a glowing moss, that functioned as well as any track lighting in an office. There was down a tunnel a table with chair, covered with a table cloth. And at regular intervals on the tunnel wall there were curtains. There was every trapping of a house or a home. And most shocklingly there were photos everywhere. Photos of a small toy like object...SUMO. In these photos Sumo was sitting in a large hand, or sitting next to a Choux (yes from Beard Papa, there was a bag in the photo) or sitting on top of a slide in the park. As Maggie saw these her heart warmed for Sumo. She smiled.
Then she saw the last photo. There was Sumo dangling off the finger of a large, slight hairy man. Maggie's smile disappeared. She fell into a crouch, pulled out her gun, turned off the saftey, cocked the trigger and carefully looked around.
The walls were covered with a glowing moss, that functioned as well as any track lighting in an office. There was down a tunnel a table with chair, covered with a table cloth. And at regular intervals on the tunnel wall there were curtains. There was every trapping of a house or a home. And most shocklingly there were photos everywhere. Photos of a small toy like object...SUMO. In these photos Sumo was sitting in a large hand, or sitting next to a Choux (yes from Beard Papa, there was a bag in the photo) or sitting on top of a slide in the park. As Maggie saw these her heart warmed for Sumo. She smiled.
Then she saw the last photo. There was Sumo dangling off the finger of a large, slight hairy man. Maggie's smile disappeared. She fell into a crouch, pulled out her gun, turned off the saftey, cocked the trigger and carefully looked around.
episode 11 - "Maggie Eurekas!"
Maggie dreaded work each day. Mr. Bender was asking about the Sumo again and she didnt know what to say. She knew Sumo was gone, but where. She left Beard Papa, as she did every day on her way home from work, with a Choux in one hand and a Iced Latte in the other. She grabbed Sampson from the flag pole and walked down the block. As she headed south past the Fairway, she saw that Sampson had grabbed a Kiwi from the racks of fruit on the street As she saw Sampson hide it in his mouth, realization dawned.
She ran back to her apartment, left out food for Sampson, grabbed her weapon and left again, leaving Sampson in the apartment. She flew down Broadway, back to Beard Papa.
She knew it had been 3 months but she had to try. She looked around and then saw the storm grate and remembered it had been raining that night. Perhaps....
She went home and waited for the middle of the night. Then with the proper tools she went back to the same grate that Sumo had gone down, found the access and opened it. With more than a little trepidation, she began to head down.
She ran back to her apartment, left out food for Sampson, grabbed her weapon and left again, leaving Sampson in the apartment. She flew down Broadway, back to Beard Papa.
She knew it had been 3 months but she had to try. She looked around and then saw the storm grate and remembered it had been raining that night. Perhaps....
She went home and waited for the middle of the night. Then with the proper tools she went back to the same grate that Sumo had gone down, found the access and opened it. With more than a little trepidation, she began to head down.
episode 10 - "All You Need Is Love"
There is something about friendship that cannot be explained. Sometimes words are not sufficient for things. There might not be magic in this world, but there are things that broder on the magical. And in the right time and right place, friendship is one of them.
Having Sumo bounce along on his side, transformed Claude. It started slowly at first, but then quickened. He started to clean his fur, not totally at first, but surely and irrevokably. The most egregious spots and stains and bits of slime and good were removed. Fur that had not been exposed since the Nixon adminsitration, basked in the steam the subways let out into his tunnels.
Sumo might have only been plastic, but he was real in a way to Claude. Claude suffered no illusions about Sumo, but he meant something to him. And Claude felt that even though Sumo might have only been plastic and resin and paint, perhaps Sumo, through some strange working of the interconnected universe, felt something too.
Sumo did feel something. Perhaps not what humans would feel. But he did feel. He missed his old owner, and while Claude would never be, could never be as beautiful and cool as she was, he was a good man (well, good Sasquatch) and Sumo could be happy dangling from his fur.
Sumo and Claude spent every moment together, as the days flew by.
Maggie was beside herself. She had never been able to find that Sumo. And yet, perhaps, finding it was the wrong thing to do. No one knew why the Custom's department looked out for them; no one, except for her and a few of her superiors. She had heard a rumour haat a Sumo might be arriving and thats why she was at JFK that day, almost 3 months ago now. Her strange shadow boss, who she just refered to as Mr. Bender, was on a rampage about these things. She was told that they were dangerous and represented a threat to all of man. She was not sure she believed it; it had just looked so cute.
Having Sumo bounce along on his side, transformed Claude. It started slowly at first, but then quickened. He started to clean his fur, not totally at first, but surely and irrevokably. The most egregious spots and stains and bits of slime and good were removed. Fur that had not been exposed since the Nixon adminsitration, basked in the steam the subways let out into his tunnels.
Sumo might have only been plastic, but he was real in a way to Claude. Claude suffered no illusions about Sumo, but he meant something to him. And Claude felt that even though Sumo might have only been plastic and resin and paint, perhaps Sumo, through some strange working of the interconnected universe, felt something too.
Sumo did feel something. Perhaps not what humans would feel. But he did feel. He missed his old owner, and while Claude would never be, could never be as beautiful and cool as she was, he was a good man (well, good Sasquatch) and Sumo could be happy dangling from his fur.
Sumo and Claude spent every moment together, as the days flew by.
Maggie was beside herself. She had never been able to find that Sumo. And yet, perhaps, finding it was the wrong thing to do. No one knew why the Custom's department looked out for them; no one, except for her and a few of her superiors. She had heard a rumour haat a Sumo might be arriving and thats why she was at JFK that day, almost 3 months ago now. Her strange shadow boss, who she just refered to as Mr. Bender, was on a rampage about these things. She was told that they were dangerous and represented a threat to all of man. She was not sure she believed it; it had just looked so cute.
episode 9 - "Squatchanese"
Claude reached down and picked up Sumo. He held him in his large green hand. Now Claude was not so far gone that he did not know that Sumo was made of plastic, but as he held him, he felt something. A pulling in his heart he had not felt for a generation. He looked at the small object in his hand and his face began to twitch in a weird way. His mouth opened exposing his teeth and the corners of his mouth pointed upwards. He smiled; for the first time since the fire, he smiled.
After staring at Sumo for a long time, Claude cleared his throat. Claude didnt speak to himself, so his vocal cords were weak from years of not being used. It look him a while to remember the words and to form them. Finally, in very quite for understadable Squatchanese he said "My friend. Welcome. I think we will be together for a long time"
And with the he clipped Sumo to his fur and headed down the tunnel.
After staring at Sumo for a long time, Claude cleared his throat. Claude didnt speak to himself, so his vocal cords were weak from years of not being used. It look him a while to remember the words and to form them. Finally, in very quite for understadable Squatchanese he said "My friend. Welcome. I think we will be together for a long time"
And with the he clipped Sumo to his fur and headed down the tunnel.
episode 8 - "Public Enemy #1"
Claude was near City Hall when it happened. He was walking by J&R music world when he looked at the TVs in the window. There was a picture of a forest, his forest, on fire.
He ran, literally, as fast as he could to Nothern Canada. When he got there he could not believe what he saw. The forest was burned to the ground. There were Sasquatches dead and dying everywhere. At first he assumed it was an accident, but then he saw the Mounties.
The Mounties were burning the forest. They were destorying his friends and families. Even though he and his kind had helped Canada during their hour of need, now 20 years later it had been forgotten and the leadership was scared of the monsters in their midst. Claude could not contain his anger, he did not want to hurt anyone, but the pain overcame him. He became and animal and hunted every Mountie he could find.
He became public enemy number one in Canada (a least for those privildged to know, the Canadian Government could not make his existance official). He was hutned and ran and ran. Until he found himself back in NY.
It was now June of 1971. He knew that his friend would not betray him,but he could not put them at risk, nor could he hide with them forever. So he went underground, into the sewer.
He stayed there year after year, decade after decade. OVer time his fur grew back and become molted and then moldy. The damp and the mold took root, covering him. Rendering him, not white, but the green color of smile. He saw no one, so he did not care.
Other than a couple of close calls with some maintainance workers, he did not see a living soul for over 3 decades. He got used to the lonelyness, without a friend, without anyone. But at times he would remember how it used to be in Greenwich Village, with his friends. He was in that type of mood when he approached Sumo.
He ran, literally, as fast as he could to Nothern Canada. When he got there he could not believe what he saw. The forest was burned to the ground. There were Sasquatches dead and dying everywhere. At first he assumed it was an accident, but then he saw the Mounties.
The Mounties were burning the forest. They were destorying his friends and families. Even though he and his kind had helped Canada during their hour of need, now 20 years later it had been forgotten and the leadership was scared of the monsters in their midst. Claude could not contain his anger, he did not want to hurt anyone, but the pain overcame him. He became and animal and hunted every Mountie he could find.
He became public enemy number one in Canada (a least for those privildged to know, the Canadian Government could not make his existance official). He was hutned and ran and ran. Until he found himself back in NY.
It was now June of 1971. He knew that his friend would not betray him,but he could not put them at risk, nor could he hide with them forever. So he went underground, into the sewer.
He stayed there year after year, decade after decade. OVer time his fur grew back and become molted and then moldy. The damp and the mold took root, covering him. Rendering him, not white, but the green color of smile. He saw no one, so he did not care.
Other than a couple of close calls with some maintainance workers, he did not see a living soul for over 3 decades. He got used to the lonelyness, without a friend, without anyone. But at times he would remember how it used to be in Greenwich Village, with his friends. He was in that type of mood when he approached Sumo.
episode 7 - "ArTarAgHar"
Other than NYC Sewer connaisseurs, very few people know about the Abominable Slimeman. People know about the tribe of Snowmen, But not the Slimeman. For a long time, the Abomidable Snowmen seperated themselves from humanity. The hid in forests an in river valleys. But during World War II, in Canada, where they are known as Sasquatch, the snowmen decided that they needed to throw their lot in with their countrymen. They fought hard in the forest of Europe. And many a German Soldier met his end on the paws of a Candian Snowman.
After the war, they all went home. Well, all, except for one. He had become enamoured of humans and their society and decided to explore the world for a while. His name had been "ArTarAgHar", which sounds tough, but it means "Dewdrop". He adopted the name "Claude" and shaved hismelf so he looked like a Hairy and unkempt large man. He traveled the world. China, Japan, Africa. After a few years his trip came to an end, he enjoyed it, but he thought that it was time to return home. He had loved his trip, but no where felt right. no where was home.
He missed the forests of Canada and was eager to come back. His boat pulled into NY harbour, but as the boat passed the Statue of Liberty and he looked upon the NY skyline, he had a strange feeling. A feeling that he had come home.
His stay in NY started as a few days and then months and then years. Snowmen live a long time at least by human standards and the decades passed. He lived in the Village through the Beatnick years and was quite Boehemian. He became good friends with both Allen Ginsberg and Jaee Jacobs. Both of whom knew his true idenity.
He has happy. But then he had news from Canada. Strange rumblings about the RCMP：The Royal Canadian Mounted Police。
After the war, they all went home. Well, all, except for one. He had become enamoured of humans and their society and decided to explore the world for a while. His name had been "ArTarAgHar", which sounds tough, but it means "Dewdrop". He adopted the name "Claude" and shaved hismelf so he looked like a Hairy and unkempt large man. He traveled the world. China, Japan, Africa. After a few years his trip came to an end, he enjoyed it, but he thought that it was time to return home. He had loved his trip, but no where felt right. no where was home.
He missed the forests of Canada and was eager to come back. His boat pulled into NY harbour, but as the boat passed the Statue of Liberty and he looked upon the NY skyline, he had a strange feeling. A feeling that he had come home.
His stay in NY started as a few days and then months and then years. Snowmen live a long time at least by human standards and the decades passed. He lived in the Village through the Beatnick years and was quite Boehemian. He became good friends with both Allen Ginsberg and Jaee Jacobs. Both of whom knew his true idenity.
He has happy. But then he had news from Canada. Strange rumblings about the RCMP：The Royal Canadian Mounted Police。
episode 6 - "The Abominable Wat?"
Sumo fell threw the air. It was a long drop. After an surprising long period of time, he landed in a large body of water. Large for Sumo anyway. To say the sumo did not like where he was and found it unpleasant would be an act of gross understatement. There had never been such as unpleasant feeling, even watching mid 1970s disco movies could not approach the horror that he felt.
There is a rumour that Alligators live in the NY city sewer system. It is riddiculous and unfounded. Anyone who knows the NY city sewer knows that is impossible. They know that the Abominable Slimeman lives there.
There is a rumour that Alligators live in the NY city sewer system. It is riddiculous and unfounded. Anyone who knows the NY city sewer knows that is impossible. They know that the Abominable Slimeman lives there.
episode 5 - "How Dew You Do?"
The dog looked down upon Sumo. And gave him a final lick. The pressure of the lick pushed Sumo off the pavement and into the street. Sampson was about to bound into the street to retrieve him when Maggie came out and called him. After looking back and forth from Maggie to Sumo, Sampson ran after Maggie.
The night turned darker and still Sumo sat there alone in the street. He had never been outside like this by himself for so long. Clouds started to cover up the night sky and one by one the bright points of light disappeared behind the cloud cover. As the last of the night was snuffed out, the heavens open, and slowly at first and then with increasing intensity, it began to Rain.
At first, the rain was good for Sumo, removing the grime and dog spittle. But then as the rain continued as stream formed. This stream took Sumo and carried him down the street. It was at quite a quick pace. As sumo came closer to a sewer drain, a can of Mountain Dew blocked his path. He was safe for now, even though the stream pushed under him, the can prevented him from going foward.
Then a dishevled eldery gentleman reached down for the can and pick it up and threw it into a cart, with 1000s of other cans. He did not see Sumo and went on his way. But without the can to block him, the river took Sumo again. Closer and closer to the grate. Until he finally went in.
The night turned darker and still Sumo sat there alone in the street. He had never been outside like this by himself for so long. Clouds started to cover up the night sky and one by one the bright points of light disappeared behind the cloud cover. As the last of the night was snuffed out, the heavens open, and slowly at first and then with increasing intensity, it began to Rain.
At first, the rain was good for Sumo, removing the grime and dog spittle. But then as the rain continued as stream formed. This stream took Sumo and carried him down the street. It was at quite a quick pace. As sumo came closer to a sewer drain, a can of Mountain Dew blocked his path. He was safe for now, even though the stream pushed under him, the can prevented him from going foward.
Then a dishevled eldery gentleman reached down for the can and pick it up and threw it into a cart, with 1000s of other cans. He did not see Sumo and went on his way. But without the can to block him, the river took Sumo again. Closer and closer to the grate. Until he finally went in.
episode 4 - "Sampson Meet Sumo"
The customers officers did not miss a single crack or a crevice in their search. However, the failed. Captain Maggie Sawyer was not happy with the situation. She tried to releave her tension by giving Sampson a biscket. Strangely and uncharacteristically, Sampson refused. Not once, but on three seperate occasions. Finally frustrated and stressed, Maggie left for some 5 hours after the end of her normal shift. She called Sampson, who bounded after her to the car park. She got into her VW Beatle, which was from 1972. Maggie did not like the new Beatle. She like her cars like she liked her men: cute, but very worn around the edges. Captain Sawyer reached over opened the passenger door and Sampson bounded in. She reached over to close the door and drove away. After parking the car, she got Sampson out and walked over to Broadway to get a Choux from Beard Papa. She tied Sampson outside. Sampson, after she entered the store, but his head to the ground and opened his mouth. When he pulled up, there glistening on the ground, in a puddle of sweat and spit, was Sumo
episode 3 - "Customs Chinese Fire Drill"
The alarm blared. The loud siren drawing all who could hear it to the location of the disturbance. The officer started to fidget. He didnt know what to do. He knew. Drugs: Pass, Infectious Diseases: Pass, Nuclear Material: Pass. But a Sumo! It was unheard of. Even is loose morals could not condone such a thing being allowed entry. He breathed a sigh of relief as 2 other officers, one of whom led a dog on a leash, arrived. The three of them looked closely in the box, but not too closely; they were afraid to touch it. The dog nosed the Sumo. THe officers held their breath, but nothing happened. The had a conference on what to do, but when they returned Sumo was gone. The officer with the dog, ran out of the room to find the Captain to ley him know.
episode 2 - "1029!"
The customers officer look suspiciously around the room. He knew something was wrong. All the boxes seemed to be in order, but there so something suspicious. He checked the boxes again. Cocaine. No, that was OK. Anthrax. No, that was fine too. As normal he would let them both pass. Finally on the third box he confirmed his suspicions. Sitting there, wrapped in bubble wrap, was Sumo. The officer immediately picked up his walky-talky. "We have a 1029. Repeat a 1029" as he ran to hit the alarm.
episode 1 - "Sumooooooooo!"
Sumo was found by a young British boy vacationing in NY. He took it back to his parents home in Notting Hill, but he himself dropped it while skipping down to the Picadilly line. The Sumo was then found again and put on ebay.
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